Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My World

     I was not born for this world.  After many years trying to fit in, I have recently taken a step back and had a hard look at myself.  What I discovered is that I do not have the skills necessary to survive in the world today.  I just don't.
     I read.  A lot.  I read about what is deemed fantasy worlds; worlds of myths and legends.  Worlds where your ACTIONS determined what type of man you were, not where you were born or how much money you were born into.  These worlds are home for me - it's where I belong.  The world of 2011, the here and now, is a world of "me".  What's in it for "me"?  How does it benefit "me"?  It's a world of lies, deceit and betrayal.  It's a world full of men who say and do anything to make a buck - screw the other guy in the process.  The rich get richer and everyone else can go to hell.
     And it's the little things that no one seems to miss either.  When was the last time you saw someone on the bus get up to let the elderly man or woman have the seat?  Or the pregnant woman have the seat?  How many times have you personally sat in a chair at your local Starbucks sippin' on your coffee watching out the window while someone was getting their pocket picked right in front of you?  And you just sat there.
      MY world, the world and time that I claim as mine - no one would stand for that.  In my world, the elderly were revered for having lived so long and gathered as much knowledge as they had.  They were taken care of, not shunned by society as a whole, stuck into an institution and forgotten about.  And everyone looked out for everyone else.  People had good hearts and did good things for their fellow man.

     An example - when I moved out to Denver many moons ago, I got a job at a local 7-11.  One night a guy came in and was getting very basic things; milk eggs, baby food, diapers, dog food.  Like I said, just basic things for the various members of his family.  He brought everything up to the counter and after I totaled everything up, he realized he didn't have enough money on him. He was stuck.  It was just the basics.  There were no all-night grocery stores in the area and I was working the graveyard shift.  I made him a deal.  I had a list as an employee there - I could eat or drink whatever I wanted, just put it on the list and pay for it when I got my check.  I told this to the guy and then wrote down everything he had on the counter...all of it.  He was so grateful.  He took his bags and went home.  This was the start of my disillusionment with the world.  I honestly did not think I would ever see that guy again.
     SURPRISE!  It took, maybe, 30 minutes before he came back.  He had all the money for the groceries.  He was so grateful that I had taken a chance on him, two strangers trusting one another.  It turned out that he was the leader of  the biggest of the local gangs and from that night on I was under their protection.  So much so that this guy actually beat the crap out of two of his own members for trying to steal from me.

     That's my world.  A world where my actions spoke much louder and more honestly than anything I say.  A world where being the nice guy was a good thing.  But here?  Now?  The nice guy finishes last IF he finishes at all.  The nice guy gets ridiculed and shunned.
     One other thing you might have noticed.  In all the posts so far, I don't really talk about God.  God has no place in my world.  They say all I have to do is believe.  But I don't.  I can't.  Too many contradictions.  They say I'm going to Hell for not believing, but you know what?  After living in this world, Hell would be a vacation.  And if there is no Heaven or Hell, then I know that my old friend will always be there waiting for me...
     . . . my Olde Friend, the Dark.

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