the Mirror

     I stare into the reflective surface and wonder to myself, " Who the hell are you?"  Then I realize, "Oh yeah, that's supposed to be me."  The only problem is, I don't see 'me'.  The man in the mirror is not the image in my head.  The image in my head is of a man in his late 20's or early 30's . . . but there is an old man staring back at me.  Who is this old man?  I don't know him.  Oh yeah, that's supposed to be me.  

     But something has happened to me over the last few weeks and months.  I feel . . . okay.  It's been a long time since I have felt this way.  Usually everything is all Doom-and-Gloom.  It's an ok place to visit from time to time, but most folks don't like to live in Doom-and-Gloom land.  I, unfortunately, have lived there for far too long.  One day, I took a look around and realized that it was just me.  Doom-and-Gloom land had dwindled to a population of just one - me.  Finally, I decided "to hell with it".  

     I like who I am now.  I have fun being me now.  I find I laugh a lil more nowadays.  Smile a lil easier these days.

I stare into the reflective surface and say to myself (thank you SNL), "I like me".

A 'funny' thing happened . . .

     Well, it has happened again.  Someone that I THOUGHT was a friend, up and waltzed out of my life without so much as a "so long" or a "see ya later".  There are times, such as this, that I despise trying to be nice.  All it ever seems to get me is more pain.  It just seems that folks come into my life, carve out a place in my heart for themselves and then abandon me when they KNOW its gonna hurt the most.  And not only that, but it's always a woman, too.  But not even my true friends, or even my family, seems to understand what this kind of thing does to me, how it affects me and makes me feel.  I'm starting to think that I should just give up on this whole bullshit 'friend' thing as a whole.  It's nothing but pain.  It's a frivolous commodity nowadays, but it's something that I, personally, take to heart.  Friendship MEANS something to me, dammit!  It's not something I enter into lightly and yet most of the people I encounter these days just dont seem to get it.

Bottom line: If you are the type of person who can't be bothered to at least say goodbye to me, then don't pretend to be my friend the rest of the time.

That's my vent . . . for now.

A Modern Man

I'm a modern man,

digital and smoke-free;

a man for the millenium.

A diversified, multi-cultural,

post-modern deconstructionist;

politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded,

I've been inputted and outsourced.

I know the upside of downsizing,

I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high-tech low-life.

A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art,

bi-coastal multi-tasker,

and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school;

and my inner child is outward-bound

I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking,

warm-hearted cool customer;

voice-activated and bio-degradable.

I interface with my database;

my database is in cyberspace;

so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive,

and from time to time I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve,

ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet,

pushin' the envelope.

I'm on point, on task, on message,

and off drugs.

I've got no need for coke and speed;

I've got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment, on the edge,

over the top, but under the radar.

A high-concept, low-profile,

medium-range ballistic missionary.

A street-wise smart bomb.

A top-gun bottom-feeder.

I wear power ties, I tell power lies,

I take power naps, I run victory laps.

I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk

rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.

A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic;

out of rehab and in denial.

I've got a personal trainer,

a personal shopper,

a personal assistant,

and a personal agenda.

You cant shut me up;

you can't dumb me down.

'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless.

I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers.

I'm a non-believer,

I'm an over-achiever;

laid-back and fashion-forward.

Up-front, down-home;

low-rent, high-maintenance.

I'm super-sized, long-lasting,

high-definition, fast-acting,

oven-ready and built to last.

A hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case;

prematurely post-traumatic,

and I have a love child who sends me hate-mail.

But I'm feeling, I'm caring,

I'm healing, I'm sharing.

A supportive, bonding, nurturing

primary-care giver.

My output is down, but my income is up.

I take a short position on the long bond,

and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail, I eat junk food,

I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports.

I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive,

user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

I like rough sex; I like tough love.

I use the f-word in my e-mail.

And the software on my hard drive

is hard-core - no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini mall.

I bought a mini-van at a mega-store.

I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear,

and I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped, factory-authorized,

hospital-tested, clinically proven,

scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed, pre-cooled, pre-heated,

pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged,

post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped

and vacuum-packed.

and . . . I have unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal.

Lean and mean.

Cocked, locked and ready to rock;

rough, tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow, I go with the flow;

I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride.

drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin';

jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'.

I don't snooze, so I don't lose.

I keep the pedal to the metal

and the rubber on the road.

I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time.

I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt;

and I'm hangin' tough.

Over and out.

words by the immortal George Carlin

An Ode to Myself

Alone again tonite...a place you know too well

Missin' somethin' in your life

Just goin' through the motions

Like to say that you got burned

Well, you're not the only one

You've reached the Y in lonely

On the streets where you run

Can't go back to where you've been

Are you ready to try again?

Commitment's just a word

You couldn't wrap your heart around

Foolish pride and freedom

Got you standing your ground 

The same faces every night

Where you stay 'til closing time

It don't stop the empty feeling

Are you just wastin' your time

A leap of faith, another chance

While you still can dance

Once you let someone love you

You'll find an open door

A place in your heart you've never been before

Believe that it's never too late

For someone to set you free

Once you let someone love you

words by N. Schon & J. Cain