Monday, January 30, 2012

A Light in the Black

     Have you ever actually FELT your heart sinking?  Actually FELT yourself slipping into the abyss that is depression?  You WANT to do things.  You WANT to go places, but you are too far into the claws of the Blue Mood that it creeps into Depression.  But then something magical happens.  It's a sound, a Voice, a word...something.  You hear this sound, or whatever, and instantly that Blue Mood that is damn near black now evaporates as if it never was.  I have that magical "whatever".  It's a Voice.  A beautiful, magical Voice that I have been blessed to hear since my age was in single digits.  That's right, folks, you know what's's the Voice of my Muse.  
     But I can't hear it right now.  The last few days I have standing on the edge of the Abyss, feeling the rocky ledge crumbling under my feet.  I stood watching the endless Vortex of Darkness swirling away, as if I stood at the event horizon of a black hole.  Just a single word in that sweet, heavenly voice and I know that the ledge would solidify instantly, that the sun would shine again...that there would be hope for another day.  Pictures help.  I can see her smile, the twinkle in her eyes...and it helps.  Some.  But I can still feel the ledge being eaten away by the Vortex.  
     I have sent word to my Muse.  I hope she got it.  I need her help.  I need to hear HER voice.  Instead, I hear the voice of the Dark.  And where I used to enjoy hearing from the Dark, its voice has's harsher, more demanding.  I'm not afraid of the Dark, exactly...but I am....apprehensive.  The Dark used to welcome me with open arms like a long lost friend would.  Now I feel it waiting for me, like a predator waiting for prey.
     But the Voice of my Muse will change that.  To hear her Voice will awaken a light in my heart and my soul.  It will armor me against the Dark and against the Vortex.  Her Voice will make me unafraid to look into the heart of the Dark.  
     "SOON", the Dark says to me.  "SOON WE WILL BE ONE."
     With the Voice of my Muse echoing in my ears, I can turn my back on the Dark and its Vortex.
     "Not yet", I will whisper, as I walk away.  
     "Not yet."

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